Assay

5 Items Surprising and Satisfying for Scavengers to Find in my House After the Apocalypse

During social isolation, Bruno Martins Soares's mind wanders about a future scavenging to his house!

So, we’re stuck at home for the near future with nothing else to do. What if in a couple of years there’s this Covid-21 that kills most people and we have a real apocalypse (I’m saying it out loud so it doesn’t come true). Eventually, scavengers would come to our house looking for supplies and useful stuff. What would they find that could make their day? Here are a few stupid items they’d find in my house.

1 – A Fencing Glove I still keep some fencing equipment from my days with the sport about 30 years ago. I have a mask and it could be useful in fights and for general protection, but I think the scavengers would value my glove the best. It’s a good ‘Prieur’ glove which is durable, strong and comfortable – just what the doctor ordered for the difficult tasks ahead. The only problem with it: it’s the right hand and it doesn’t come with the counterpart of the left hand – it’s only one glove. Still, I’d be satisfied if I was a scavenger.

2 – A Bokken Sword – Another relique from my sporting years, a bokken is a Japanese wooden sword used for training. It is a good weapon, actually, and it could easily kill or maim. It’s heavy enough and balanced enough to be wielded, and light enough to be carried. I would like to have one of those in case some road bandits came after me.  I don’t remember most of the moves from my Aikido years, nor am I confident I’d be able to use them in my current fitness status, but I’d love to have something like a bokken in a post-apocalypse environment.

3 – Twin Bongo Drums These things were given to me by an uncle decades ago. I never knew how to play them very well, but they’re still here, just looking good. They are durable, light and fun. A very good item to brighten the nights around the fireplace and create tribal trance-like behavior. Just what you need! They can also be used to carry things around. I would love to have these in a post-apocalyptic world where music is scarce. Definitely a keeper.

4 – Small Mint Tin Case It’s a small case I bought in Alentejo. It has Clint Eastwood’s face on the top and a saying: ‘Go Ahead, Make My Day’. How cool is that? Conceivably, the mints would be all gone now, but the case was left there for who-knows-what. It will come in hand to store some small mementos like falling teeth, or something (I know, gross – but it’s the post-apocalypse).

5 – Paper Tissues – This whole toilet paper thing made me think. I don’t hoard toilet paper, of course, nor any other paper, but I make sure I always have paper tissues at hand because I have the theory that when you need them you can’t wait to go buy them. So it’s conceivable that I would absolutely leave a few packs of paper tissues around. And what a treat it would be for a scavenger, to find a pack of clean paper tissues lying around! In 10 specific occasions at least they would be a source of considerable pleasure, as each pack carries 10 tissues.

Of course there will not be a real apocalypse in our lifetime (don’t be a pessimistic twat!). But there’s plenty of literature and media about the subject around. You can find some interesting possibilities in my upcoming novel Laura and the Shadow King – Volume II. In that novel there is still a semblance of civilization, but most of Humanity has perished and it’s a war zone out there. How about you? What 5 things do you have in your house that would put a smile in a scavenger’s face? Would love to know. Cheers!

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